Today is my husbands birthday (same as Elvis) and I have got to just pull myself together, at least on the outside, for him. I've got a major cold and now it is difficult to tell if my furthering weakness is this damn cold or grief. Ian was really an accident, much as I was too. Mini Meow, who is still with us, was very small and when we took her into our home. Although she was with us for a few months, she was so tiny, but we took her to get fixed feeling it was about time. The vet asked that we bring her back in 3 more months, that she was too young for the proceedure.
That same week-end she went into her 1st heat and spawned 3 kittens; Nikki, Mendy and Ian. Mr Nikki got run over by a car several years back. Mendy is still with us.
Ian, was half the size of her siblings, requiring me to push her up to a teet to get her milk and assure she did not get pushed out of the way by her brother or sister at feeding times. Unlike her siblings and mother, she never wanted to go outside, prefering the balconies or a comfy chair or window sill.
She was a charmer, walking over, meowing then falling over hard on the floor to be petted. She had a unique meow, always chirped when touched to acknowledge it, loved her snacky treats, hated wet food, and fish, but loved good hard food and chicken and kitten milk.
In 2003, she was only about 3 years old, she went into congestive heart failure. Ian ended up at the emergency clinic overnight and further tests at Hillside Vet confirmed Advanced HCM, a fatal heart condition. She went on Enalpril, flaxseed oil (hates fish) and Hawthornberry, an herb that is supposed to strengthen the heart and blood vessels.
The enalpril made her stomach upset, so a few years later, when I took her in for a check up, and they were amazed she was still alive, but even more amazed that her heart seemed fine, I took her off the medication.
Flash forward to a couple years later, she suddenly got very sick to her stomach and was tossing up a bit of blood (pink) , refused to eat, so I took her in. They found a mass in her stomach, that must have been there a long time as her stomach lining was very thick. While her kidneys and heart, blood work up etc seemed fine, nothing was passing through her stomach, which had suddenly filled with fluid to 5x its normal size. With her stomach so large, she was in a ton of pain with all her organs squeezed for room in her tiny little body.
It seemed the upshot was to cut her open and confirm cancer, or leave her be and call it cancer. Either way, it was up to her body to release the fluid in her stomach and it was not doing so, causing a big issue. There was nothing that could be done for my little darling.
She had stayed overnight at the vet, to get fluids into her, since she was dehydrated from vomiting. While she stood up when she saw us, she did not make a sound, no greeting meow, and was drooling which the vet explained is what cats do when they are nauseated. She was not the kind of cat to rub up against you. So when Ian walked over accross the table toward me and placed her head against my abdomen, I understood. She had a catheter in her already for fluids so they put the kill dose of whatever they use in there. It was silent and quick. She went from scratching an ear to limp. Then her heart stopped beating. It was suggested we could bring her home, love on her then bring her back the next day to euthanize her but that seemed the most cruel to Ian.
I will remember how she would look right in my eyes when I would speak to her or pet her. How she would play chase the string with me, and how she, every day, tried to enjoy her life. A decade is short and I wanted more time. We always want more of a good thing.
All creatures are their own signature and uniqueness. It is to be treasured as it is never exactly duplicated again. Devinity is in the every day moments with the people and other creatures we are blessed with sharing our lives with. None of us are promised anything beyond the breath we are now taking. Although it hurts greatly to lose her, I am blessed knowing her. The happy accident of both our births allowed us both much joy. Since I will not truly know what happens when we die until I do, all I can hope is that her spirit is alive and well on some other plane, waiting for me.
Friday, January 8, 2010
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