Screaming Emotion & What is Right

Hello. Well, today at work, I was screamed at, talked over, told I was inept and just totally disrespected. While I am sure the individual has her own Karma and will be dealt with (on many levels), I was saddened that we could not work together, communicate in a way that helped the business we are both paid to do. In this time of less people to do more with, doesn't it make more sense to get along? Real Simple magazine featured an article on great old philosophers and noted a favourite; Immanuel Kant. RS basically dissected Kant's take on moral issues down to imagining if everyone behaved as you do, everyone followed that same course of action. If I screamed over people I was annoyed with or did not understand on conference calls, and everybody else did too, what would be the outcome? If I lied and everyone else did too, who could be trusted? Therefore, should I scream? Should I lie? No. This was Kant's ethical test called "categorical imperative" which he believed should be applied to every action, as the key to leading a righteous life. So, I extended grace, exited the call, explaining I had work I needed to attend to since we could not have a conversation. Click. I followed up in an email to the team stating it is in our customer's best interest to have a team that works together and can come together with respect. I pushed back in a graceful way. This does not necesarilly come natural; it depends upon the day. But the truth I uphold is that when we extend respect and grace to the fools we must work with, (along with all the absolutely fabulous people who make up the majority) it makes the fool look like what he is...the fool. Regardless of how high your BP is at the moment, you come off very cool and controlled, always a good thing. And the bonus is that, in retrospect, (if the fool ever does that), sometimes the person that is acting the fool will walk away from one of these matches, where they made themselves look stupid and out of control, get that 'aha' moment, heal their own bad behaviour and begin treating both others and themselves much much better! By not mirroring their nasty behavior, not getting down into their level, it forces them to see how they are misbehaving. I want everyone, even the fool, to live their best life. I have been a fool myself. Peace, love, light and joy to you!

Love & Embracing the Mystery

I've learned much with much more to absorb while still here. So many epiphanies and aha moments that I thought I'd share to this wall of void and pehaps someone reads one day and is helped by what's been wrote.

GREAT ROMANTIC LOVE:
We cannot truly love another until we are made whole (or whole as possible) in and of ourselves. Otherwise, we only bring broken pieces of something that could have been great, to it. It takes most of us quite a long time to get there. Many of us shun the self work necessary to get to any level of emotional maturity; a requisite to marriage.
You absolutely DO know it when you see it. The trick is keeping it mental as long as possible to figure out how everything really fits together long term. And after even a decade, you will probably find some things out that you did not know about this person. Any 'deals' you made ahead of marriage (I'll shop for the groceries and you will cook the groceries etc) will probably get changed.
Letting go of expectations is very hard and also necessary. It is almost ZEN but basically, you have to accept and love the core of this stranger you say you love because everything and anything else around this core being is bound to change. Acceptance and unconditional love is what you gain out of this exercise. (That is to say YOU learn how to do that better, not that you ever get this unconditional love back from the person you are giving that to...but it could happen.

Never settle. If you both are not just totally feeling the need, physically, mentally, spiritually for each other, then it is not worth all the bother....because marriage is quite the bother. :-)
One of my friends, when we were both in our 20's, claimed she would never marry and that, if she actually did, then she would live separately in her own house. I was the innocent spiritual romantic and she the jaded girl. I thought she was just sad and nuts for thinking that way. Oh, but now I see her point, grasshopper! Perhaps a better way is to get a duplex or a house in the same neighborhood and visit each other. It keeps the romance alive, you both get your alone time, and decorate as you wish. If you have kids, then devide up the time equally. Or maybe, if your house is big enough, then it works out if one has one wing and one has the other. Each of us has our 'things' that drive the other bonkers and we all do this, even when we are trying very hard not to.
It helps me to step aside and imagine this person on his own without me...imagining what he would do...would he smoke a cigar occasionally in the house? Would he sit quietly and watch shows back to back on his day off? It helps keep me from saying wifey things like "Can you put out that stinking cigar, turn off the flatscreen and go mow the lawn or do something else useful?"
Finding someone I fell deeply madly in love with is the only thing that has saved us. He fell deeply madly in love with me, too or I would have passed...gotta be mutual. But I find now that mutuality shifts, along with everything else. He has a lot of emotional damage from childhood he is currently working through. Another lesson: If you think you got enough councelling to get past something, or you think you don't need counselling, it is not a bad idea to check into it further. We all need the help now and then because we are an embodiment of all our life experiences and how we saw them...traumatic, fun, etc. Sometimes our puzzle parts need shifting so we can live our best life and be our best for others too. And if you never marry, I completely understand why not now....but I cannot say yet that I regret it.

Our Lost Brother - Being Our Brother's Keeper

Whatever spiritual background you have, there is a lot of sense in the statement that we are our brother's keeper. Not in a co-dependent way. I think some of us do too much and need to create and be aware of our own boundaries being crossed, and push back as needed.

We are on this planet together, all of us. Because of that, the oneous is on each of us to reach out to each other, to all living things and extend a bit of grace, a bit of love.

Two neighbors moved from my block, and each one ditched their Tabby cat. One is a full grown adult, another just a kitten. Of course, they ended up on my porch, eating with the strays I feed under the city sanctioned TNR (Trap Neuter Release) program.

Love means commitment to the things we have invited and co-created into our lives. Why do we make false commitments, commitments without fully soul searching in the first place? Yet, if we decide we cannot do this thing we said we would do, that we just cannot stick with it, why then not suck it up and end it as cleanly and humanely as possible? It is the most respectful way, honoring the things, animals and people involved in our decision. For the cats, perhaps they could have been turned over to a no-kill shelter like Animal Kindess instead of left wandering and wondering where to find food and if their owners will come back soon, foistering the problem onto a neighbor who has no clue where to locate a good home for them.

We throw out cars, people, pets. Good things go to waste in America. The mindset of this is not one that will ever bring us true peace. These cats are confused, loving, and a bit nervous because they do not know what happened and why they were left here. They keep going back home and the door does not open for them. They come to me for food and love, but I cannot let them in, I already have too many cats and that would be crossing my freshly minted boundaries. (I cannot become the bleeding heart to the point of in home cat chaos any longer.)

As we work on creating healthy personal boundaries, and what commitments we can truly accept, then follow through with them or end them clean, we build our self worth and help the world around us too. It is all about extending beyond ourselves to full acceptance and love for the goodness of others.

I will find a solid home for these little cats. For the two girls who dumped their pets, I am very angry and I tried to get enough information so I could report them for animal cruelty. I am still working on that. Not because I am bitter, but because of the lesson needing learning here. You do not dump your child or pet off someplace just because you no longer want it in your life; that is selfish behaviour. But apart from my anger, which I am working on mellowing, I feel deeply sorry for them as human beings. How can they ever hope to live their best life when they make the choice not to honor life to begin with?

Random Acts of Kindess

I saw Julie & Julia yesterday and thought "Why not blog about random acts of kindess, thoughts about love and ways to bring about peace, joy and happiness to the planet?"

Last Friday, I smiled at an unknown co-worker, on the way into the building. Then others followed in and I greeted them as well. I noticed everyone's face brightened and particularly the first person, who was before, all focused and serious in his demeanor. My thought was how incredibly simple it was to give joy. So why is it that we more often than we should, choose to push buttons and cause more anger?

I am not very political. But my simple idea is that if each of us extended grace when we otherwise want to scream, if we loved our friends and families, and lived our personal best life, that the entire world would change for the better.

Greed and self centeredness is killing us, killing America for sure. In the simple act of going online to purchase Resveratrol, the people called to harrass me repeatedly about buying more stuff. They were not happy with the $90.00 per month I'd already signed up for! I tried getting them off my line, telling them all I wanted was the Resveratrol but they had to keep going through the sales pitch I did not have time for. It was so disrespectful that I finally told them I did not want the Resveratrol any longer. Yep, I'd rather die 30% earlier than listen to that stupid sales pitch. They kept calling me at work, and hanging up when I did not answer. They would not leave me a message. I asked them to stop but they continued to call. GREED! What did it cost them? A sale. I will find a way to buy and try it later, from somebody else that doesn't try to push me and hard sale me and ignore my rights.

My ongoing endeavor is to extend grace even to these kinds of people, while respecting my own boundaries. I did not yell, scream, just simply asked that they cancel my order, because I had now changed my mind since they were not hearing me.

Whether you are in a store, on the road, in the elevator, this week for grins, let someone in front of you and smile...see what happens. In thinking of and loving others, we get for ourselves too.